(Cross-posted on my website, here.)

I participate in an independent minyan, a group of Jews in their 20s and 30s who get together for davening. What’s an independent minyan? Well, it’s a newish movement of independent groups of young Jews, making their own communities separate from traditional synagogues and denominations. Here’s the Washington Post article about indie minyans. And here’s the New York Times article. I understand that many other religions have similar independent “congregation” movements shifting their dynamic, young people going against the flow and creating something new and alive for themselves.

With that introduction, here are the 6 things I love and hate most about my independent minyan.

1. We have a rule that says of no one wants to head something up, we don’t do it.

This is a rule that limits community resources to what we actually want to do, but it means if no one wants to take on chairing Rosh Hashana, we just don’t have Rosh Hashana at our minyan.

2. We struggle with conflicting values.

Egalitarianism, equalitarianism, postmodernism, modernity, feminism, constructivism, modernism, and hipsterism make for really raucous guests at your Friday night dinner table… or in a steering committee meeting.

3. We have a power-sharing power structure.

Decisions for our community are made by a consensus-based decision-making structure. Many passionate people with radically different opinions are involved in our community. The conversations are rich and incredibly demanding.

4. We have a demanding aesthetic.

The standards for both food and public davening (prayer) are really intense. That means that the service is really beautiful, and the food is delicious, but it’s intimidating to get started.

5. Everyone should be “A little bit uncomfortable, all of the time.”

This is one way I’ve heard expressed to describe the compromises we make to each other. If we are doing our job correctly, everyone should be compromising. That dynamic tension – the little bit of uncomfortable- brings us out of our shells, forces us to reexamine our priorities, and in my experience, live in a more full way.

I bring this up not only because I think independent religious communities are important, which I do, but because these ideas are widely applicable. Can you integrate some of these advantages into your corporation or school or personal life?

And in an even more broad way, are those things that you really love about something also the things you hate about it?

I’ve been thinking I’m going to write a quantitative dissertation about empathy’s correlation with cooperative decision-making, using an iterative prisoner’s dilemma as a research tool.

But now I’m feeling like – do I actually want to write about that for two years? Maybe I could write about something that is closer to home. Here are some ideas for a qualitative dissertation:
1. How do people who have gone off the derech (left traditional Judaism) experience spirituality now? (Maybe a comparison between then and now)
2. How do baalot tshuva (women who have become more traditional in Judaism) who grew up in modern society adapt to different gender roles? (This would be also interesting with male baalei tshuva)
3. What stories (in their own lives, Biblical, Talmudic, modern) do traditional women find important and motivating?

I’m wondering how much I want my professional identity to have anything to do with my personal one.

Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments.